What??? Did I read that right? What is a “Hooker for Jesus?” I am going to be real honest and candid on this site, so if you are tired of lies and want the truth, BUCKLE your seatbelts and hang on! I believe in being REAL. Please read this story, and I will explain everything to you... because...
EVERYTHING THAT WE KEEP HIDDEN HAS POWER OVER US!!!
I was a prostitute in the escort services in LAS VEGAS, (the public calls it “HIGH CLASS CALL GIRL”) in the casinos, on the street, and I was an exotic dancer in the clubs. I did everything that you can imagine, saw and met people that I would never have thought would have even “ordered” a girl. MANY of them were very famous stars and influential people in society... I lived this lifestyle for over 11 years... and it just didn’t happen overnight.
It all started when I was a little girl. I never felt really loved; there was abuse in my family that lowered my self-esteem to the degree that I became desperate for love. I tell you, I felt very rejected and broken-hearted all the time. When you are told a certain thing you are as a child, you tend to believe it. Point blank, I couldn’t love my self, or anyone else for that matter--I didn’t feel that I deserved it.
My first sexual experience happened with a close friend of mine when I was eight years old. I didn’t know this was abuse at the time, but the truth of the matter is that I was violated. As a “family duty” I went to church every week, but because of the hypocrisy in the church and in my home, I couldn’t really believe God was real, so I hid my secret and feelings inside me. I could not trust anyone.
Relationships? Huh!!! Couldn’t manage to keep ANY because I was so messed up on the inside. As I grew up, I went to seven different schools because our family moved around so much. It was very difficult, and coming to each school as the “new” girl wearing garage sale clothing...well let’s just say that kids back then could be very cruel if you were not rich, popular, and “perfect.” When you are brokenhearted, what is your definition of love? My self-worth was defined by looking for love in all the WRONG places, in WRONG people. You get the picture--nightclubs, drinking/drug parties, hanging out in bad parts of town--listening to wrong (sexually perverted) types of music and TV, reading “fashion” magazines. Believe it or not, this had such a HUGE influence on me!
In high school it was considered “cool” to have sex. Even though this seemed true I still was a virgin at 18. It did not last long, for my boyfriend at that time convinced me that if we had sex we would become so much closer and he would “love” me more. I was 18 years old and knew NOTHING about the consequences of sex before marriage! I only slept with him because I didn’t want to lose him! I loved this man and wanted to get married...but unfortunately he had an appetite for other woman and we broke up. Why did he lie to me??? I didn’t get it! I was DEVESTATED!!! I remember coming home after the break up, crying uncontrolably to my mother, and she said to me, “Annie, you where your heart on your sleeve.” I wanted to kick him to the curb because...MY HEART WAS BROKEN! It was at that moment I decided to REBEL!
I was the “party girl”! This is when the first of many rapes happened... In the process I became even more hurt, bitter, angry, rejected, LONELY, but most of all, more desperate to find the TRUTH.
I was always chasing just to belong, hungry for acceptance, just to be loved. If you told me I was beautiful, I wouldn’t believe you. I didn’t see that when I looked in the mirror. I had to wear a mask continually... pretending everything was “okay.” My belief was that if I just put on a pretty smile, everything would be alright. But it wasn’t. I kept burying my pain deep inside me. I just kept searching and experimenting, no matter WHAT the cost.
I might not look like it, but I did it ALL, I tell you the truth! Prostitution,(street & high class call girl) exotic strip dancing, nude modeling, drugs of every kind, sex addiction, cutting, abortions--yes and miscarriages, masturbation addiction, pornography, dominance mistressing addiction, bisexuality, men addiction, gambling, binge drinking, smoking, bulimia, and JAIL TIME... just to name a few...
I first got “turned out” in Hawaii, then went back to work in Minnesota as an escort, then an exotic dancer, and eventually that led me to Las Vegas, where the temptation of even BIGGER money tugged at my desires. I thought I could go to Vegas and get in and out quick... leave with my fortune so I could finally go to music college (never could afford it). Little did I know what would REALLY happen with the choice that I had just made. I was in for the most dangerous ride of my ENTIRE life. What was intended to be six months turned into a NIGHTMARE lifestyle of over 11 long years...
You have to remember that ANYTHING out of balance will destroy you...and this was a life that I had PERSONALLY chosen (sex, drugs, and rock n roll) because I wanted to fill that “emptiness” inside of me. No one “twisted” my arm! My intense hunger and need for love would eventually consume me like a fire...
The allure and the “illusion” of the Las Vegas lifestyle of glamour, money, and sex had pulled me in the first moment I stepped off the plane. The “strip” looked so enticing and exciting... and the way that each casino flashed with sparkling lights on the outside beckoned at me with a voice saying, “Come in, Annie and find what you have been missing!!!” With all the elaborate lighting, gambling, and even the thought of the possibility of meeting a very wealthy client that would “rescue” me... well, I COULDN’T RESIST IT!!! You know, we all want to be “Pretty Woman” like Julia Roberts and have a prince come take us away, right?
Here is the truth: I never started out completely hating this industry... in fact, I actually liked it because it gave me a sense of security--it made me feel glamorous and powerful. There was a certain “honeymoon” phase that I went through as a high-class call girl. The money, presents, parties, traveling, dinners, famous people calling... I really got lost in the “hype” of the moment! After all, everyone wants that “bling bling” lifestyle, right??? But... everything that is superficially attractive has a “hidden” evil.
Here is the OTHER truth people don’t want you to hear... that “glamorous” lifestyle took its toll on me, and that sense of security that I had... it turned out to be FALSE and I started slowly falling apart. Even though I looked like on the outside I had everything I ever wanted... inside of me was dying. I would make money, give it away thinking it would buy me love, and then when that didn’t work I would buy myself material things so I could feel “important” and “loved” on the inside. This went on for many years... and guesses what? If I DID get that happy feeling it was only temporary... and then it started to turn into deep sadness because I knew no matter what I did to make myself “feel” better, it just wasn’t working!
I can’t tell you how many nights I slept “alone” with a man in my bed. No one knew my secrets, my pain, and my inner shame. So in the end I hated being a prostitute and exotic dancer--and no matter what people will tell you about that lifestyle, it really does rip you apart until you have absolutely NOTHING left--and, you will lose your soul in the process!
Without even realizing it, I had become a slave to the sex industry... but no one at the time could point that out to Fallen (me), for she had made the choice to do it on her own.
Nightmare clients??? No, way, that only happens in movies!!! At first I thought I was invincible... that nothing or no one could ever hurt me. After all, I worked for a “high class” escort service, right? Well it wasn’t true and I had to find out the hardest way possible... for my first of many rapes as a call girl was by gunpoint. Many times I was tied up, kept hostage, beat into submission. This should scare a girl, right? Well it did more than you can imagine--I started to feel terrified and paranoid every time I knocked on the door of a new client. I even feared that the next door that would open to my knocking would be my last! I had so much anxiety because of this!!! Sex for money is NOT pleasurable, it is NOT fun, us girls DO NOT enjoy it--in fact there were many times I just wanted to hurt the man that was touching me! This is why it was easy for me to be a dominatrix... I had to be the best actress all of time just to make sure I got paid--men actually thought I enjoyed what I did. How could men think this? It was a flat out LIE! This is SEXUAL ABUSE in its worst form--a jail cell of your mind. When you are with so many men day in and day out... the job of escorting becomes your own “personal” prison.
Many times I just wanted to die when I went to sleep at night after I worked, I felt so dirty, sleazy--I felt had no way out--because...who would actually RESPECT me or let alone LOVE ME if they found out what I did for a living? NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE knew except for my associates that were also “call girls”. So I kept it my secret of being an escort the WHOLE time I was in it. Even the limelight tempted me...but because of the shame associated with sex for money I would not submit to it. Many times during the porn conventions the porn producers would call the escort services and ask me to “make a porno”....but I never did it because my I wanted to keep my “escort lifestyle” VERY hush hush.
As I hid in the “underworld” of Las Vegas, my SELFISH desires to feel better drove me to do things that I would have NEVER done otherwise--had I not been so deeply injured on the inside. I wanted to get back at men somehow...and if I could “use” them like they “used” me, I thought this would make things EVEN for my pain. We sometimes do crazy things just to block what we are feeling... Devastation!! Guilt!! Pain!! But mostly SHAME!!!
I was beaten, raped, kidnapped, strangled, suffocated, guns put in my mouth, hair cut off, tied up, gagged, put in trunks of cars, bones broken, spit on, kicked, pushed, stalked by crazy men, and during that time I WAS PIMPED for five years.
This was done to the extent that I didn’t even know who I was anymore... I literally became the alter ego named “Fallen” because she was strong, she could handle all of it without mental damage, she could get up after being punched and “knocked out” with no problem... right? She HAD to take over... because she was the only one at the time that could keep that little girl Annie alive...
I never knew that I would ever be pimped... in fact I was against it and knew that I never actually wanted one. But I fell in love with mine before I even knew he was a pimp, and because I wanted to prove my love, I decided to try the “game” and give it a chance. I thought, it couldn’t be all that bad, like the TV and media portrayed, could it? Just like before, I had to learn the hard way! It didn’t matter how many times that I was mistreated I NEVER got used to it. But I would not leave because I was so in love. Every time it happened, a piece of me (Annie) died and “Fallen” would get stronger. I wanted him to brag to the other “old school” pimps that I was “the best girl he had ever had!”
The truth is this, I would have DIED for him... and was willing to go where no one would go, just to make him happy so he would love me and KNOW that I was DOWN for him! I never let anyone know that he was my “pimp” but would get dirty looks when I was with him... I experienced prejudice in a real way! This hurt me and it drove me to even stand up for him. I wanted to prove that people’s thoughts were wrong about pimps--and that they didn’t know the REAL story of why they chose this profession.
What I am positive about is that there was NEVER intended harm to me on my pimp’s part... he would continue to apologize to me and I would continue to forgive him. I couldn’t help it! I always wanted to somehow “rescue” him believe it or not! I felt sorry for him because of the sever abuse he experienced when he was a little child. When I say rough, I mean he REALLY had it tough as a boy. He did not have a father growing up either... and I believe because of this he didn’t know any other way...Tell me, what does a boy with no father learn in the streets when “the streets” are his family?
HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE!!!
Do you even KNOW what REAL pimping is like? IT IS NOT THE PERSON DOING IT! IT IS THE SPIRIT OF LUST MONEY AND POWER CONTROLLING THEM!
“THE DEVIL IS A PIMP DON’T BE HIS HO” (quote from Minister RMB of “Don’t Be Pimped”)
Isn’t it a tragedy that everyone uses this “PIMP” term so lightly on our TV, media, and music? Some people think it is okay to “throw” this around in daily conversation. Is the media teaching our young men that it is okay to use and degrade women, that it is cool/profitable to be a pimp?
You want REAL TRUTH??? Women are NOT robots, we do not enjoy the “sex” acts, nor slavery that comes with selling your body...we have feelings and cannot just “shut them down” while we are/were prostitutes. We hurt, we bleed, and we cry...we are sisters, mothers, daughters, friends, cousins, nieces, LITTLE GIRLS.
It seems so easy to get angry at the pimps, doesn’t it? But we have to remember that the only way that we are going to win them and help them out of their lifestyles is to love them. Love ALL of these men without severe judgment and look beyond what they are doing!!! These men need to wake up and see that they are controlled by the DEVIL because HE IS THE REAL PIMP! They are being used and TRICKED just like the girls! I also believe that the call on these men’s lives to be leaders, teachers and preachers has been sidetracked by this “pimping” lie. IT IS A COUNTERFEIT FOR THEIR DESIRE FOR SUCCESS!!! That their REAL destiny is something so powerful--something they couldn’t even imagine, because it would change the very world that we are in. I KNOW this, because I see this possible POSITIVE future in my X-pimp. I can talk this talk, believe me!
I did finally leave my pimp...but I had another tragedy come into my life. I got really sick--I developed Hodgkin’s lymphoma CANCER while I was still working. The doctors say that this type of cancer can be caused by severe emotional trauma and a feeling of low self-worth. I was told that I was in stage two of the cancer... I had lymph nodes in my neck and lungs FULL of tumors... and my chances of beating it were not very good. Did I give it up then??? NO! I was in denial of why it was happening to me. I then had to go through CHEMO and RADIATION for two years!!! I lost ALL my hair--and I would actually go on escort calls wearing wigs! It was awful because I was bald, not to mention VERY sick- but I had to pay my cancer bills! I would have to take care of my client and then run to the bathroom and vomit afterwards, trying to hide the tears the whole time. Do you think I would have “woken” up, then? Nope. I continued to work despite how sick I was. After all, I had to PROVE to everyone and myself that I could make it without anyone’s help... that I could take care of this little girl and she would be all right!
Why wasn’t this lifestyle working for me? I will tell you why! The more I let men “buy” me in exchange for sexual favors, the more I saw that they were only after one thing--my body... just like a piece of meat for sale with a UPC code on it. Not my mind, not my spirit, not who Annie was, but “Fallen,” the fallen angel. I even fell into my client’s way of thinking, that if I gave people that I loved money they would love me back! (Not sexually, either;) So, in a sense, I too became the “trick.” Hence my reason for having my pimp and numerous “boyfriends” that allowed me to work. But did they REALLY love me? Did they really have my future welfare in mind? Did they think this lifestyle was okay to be in? If so, then why wouldn’t they REALLY take me out of it? What it REALLY got down to was this: what was everyone’s HIDDEN AGENDA? Were they being nice to me because they wanted something from me--my body--or my money??? No one wanted the REAL Annie, the girl who had hopes and dreams, the girl that was intelligent--the girl that was a singer, an artist, a friend, a daughter, and a little girl. This brought me such a feeling of emptiness that I was so desperate to fill!
Then something very tragic happened... my sister died at a very the very young age of 31 (she was my BEST friend!) my Uncle Richard died, my Grandpa Osgar died, and my dad had cancer--all within a period of five months! So as you can imagine, I was pretty mad at God and I wasn’t sure if he was even real. When I say I was mad, I mean, I was angry... and not sure if I would make it. I thought “why would he put me through all this if he really loves me?” Then I started feeling so guilty and thought that I was being “punished” for living the lifestyle that I chose... so I thought that I actually deserved having cancer, I felt so sorry for myself. I felt that no one wanted to take care of me--no one even cared that I was sick. That thought made me even MORE rebellious and I thought that everyone “owed” me something. So I kept working because I didn’t want to come out of prostitution with nothing to show for it. (Could that be pride?)
Believe it or not, after I was cured of the cancer, I started doing drugs. You would think that I would have had enough pain and shock by experiencing cancer! To tell you the truth, there was a type of pain inside me that was far worse than the physical pain of being sick. My heart was breaking, my will to keep fighting was dying, and the repetitive abuse of verbal, physical and sexual assault was catching up with me as I was an escort! At first I did pain killers that were prescribed to me for cancer and back pain. I did not consider myself addicted, for I was taking what was only allowed by each prescription...right???
As my mind and body started to become altered and “numbed” for the pain, my proud claim of “I would NEVER do drugs!” became a lie! I was then tempted with the drug even the DEVIL himself does not want--COCAINE!!! Even though I was flat out against it for all of my life, I decided to try it because of a dare at a girlfriend’s birthday party. I was INSTANTLY addicted! That led to other things on a DEEPER DOSE and level--pain pill addiction, (OXY-CONTIN, LORCETS, LORTABS), somas, Xanax, valium, METH, smoking, and drinking. I became a gambleholic eventually because of the excessive drugs--I could never gamble sober! I would sit at the casinos after work and “zone out” on a poker machine for hours... sometimes days, trying to “win” my money back. Pretty soon it carried over into work; I no longer could work the escort services sober. I ALWAYS had to do a line or pop pills before I walked into a room. So I would work, make money, give it all away. Day in and day out--this was a road that had no end that I could see.
I was a walking time bomb--ready to explode. What could happen next? I tried all kinds of different “beliefs” like vampirism, Wicca, Buddhism, free masonry, new ageism, etc. But NOTHING filled that “void” inside me.
But destiny had it’s way with me...I met this man on a call on in 1992, he was VERY sweet to me--and over the years we kept in contact with each other and became very good friends. He actually was instrumental in getting me to quit... and I did, in 1998, but I still did not have God in my life. We lived a fast life in the “corporate” business world, flying back and forth to Japan; we had expensive sports cars, jewelry, houses, nice bank account, etc. I should have been extremely happy--but I wasn’t. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had what doctors call POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER...
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, what is it? It is a tragic psychological condition often called “shell shock” and “post rape syndrome”. Did you know that 69 percent of war veterans get this condition after witnessing and experiencing traumatic events from war??? Did you also know that people in the SEX INDRUSTY have the SAME exact percentage??? (69%) Here I was... out of the industry but inside my mind a continual battle was going on of the events I had experienced as a prostitute!
P.S.T.D. brought me night terrors, nightmares, insomnia, memory flashbacks, memory lapses, asthma, clinical depression, loss of appetite, anxiety attacks--so bad I got hooked on Xanax--could NOT function without it. Even the “square” world had me thinking that I was a failure--for at the end of our company’s closing, we lost EVERYTHING. I had quit drugs for a few years, and thought I really had it together until the corporation failed. And there I was doing coke again, but this time FREE BASING it--I could not get “high” enough for all the personal disappointment and pain inside of myself. I used to laugh at crack addicts as they would search on the ground for their little “rocks.” BUT HERE I WAS DOING THE VERY SAME THING I MADE FUN OF!!! I HAD REALLY REACHED “ROCK BOTTOM” --LITERALLY!!! I learned that you cannot make fun of something that you have NO CLUE about!
Was this a relapse? I would stay up for days on end getting so drunk and high, then pass out on my floor in my walk in closet in my million dollar home, with my drugs, wine and cigarettes to keep me company. I would wrap myself in my mink coat and rock back and forth...terrified of my past... but more afraid of my future. How would I face my family? How would I face my friends? Who was I, and what had I become? Did I mess my life up so bad that I would never have a real existence? A real family, a job, a home??? Was I just a junkie, a prostitute, a worthless piece of trash? With tears and mascara running down my face, I would cry... “God where are you? I’m messed up God, why me? I’m mad at you, God! You said you loved me! Why is this happening to me?” I was so lonely, and often I would write letters to my deceased sister Diana asking her why she had to die... then I would get mad at God and write a letter to Him, asking Him why I had to suffer so much--my tears smearing the very page I was writing on. I felt so alone, yet I knew somewhere far far away was God’s soft presence trying to pull away the cobwebs of my damaged soul and bring me back to Him.
Could I have possibly over estimated my own strength and endurance??? Was it hard to admit to others that I was really falling apart, and that I couldn’t handle this pain on my own? WAS IT EVEN HARDER FOR ME TO ADMIT IT TO MYSELF?
Over the years I had seven friends that have died from the sex industry, one died in her cab of a drug overdose, one was shot point blank in the face in a whore house, one was strangled in a hotel room and put in a suitcase, one was stabbed to death by her client, the other got killed in jail, another just recently died of bladder cancer, and another just died of AIDS--and I KNOW there could of been a better way. The sex industry has sold the lie that this is a profitable profession and that the women love doing it...so if that is true, what would these women/men say if they were alive? That they loved working as a prostitute??? Not!!! Where is our line that we draw in the sand, people? When is enough really enough????
This “illusion” of materialism and sexual desire had finally gotten the best of me...and I snapped.
I had given up. I knew no matter what I did, nothing mattered to me anymore. I didn’t care what happened to me... I just wished that I could “fade” into nonexistence. I had so much pain, shame, GUILT and regret in my life that I just wanted to erase it one night. So literally took it too far--I overdosed on cocaine, alcohol, Xanax, pain pills, and somas. I took a hit of cocaine and I thought I was going to die; the pain in my chest was so scary--as I fell to the ground all I could see was my life flashing before me. I was in TOTAL DARKNESS, no light, no sound--just me and the feeling of real death. My ears were ringing really loud... the aloneness crept in like a black blanket--I had NEVER been so scared in all my life, it was literally HELL! I was frozen, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t see. I instinctively could only say the name of Jesus from my lips... “Jesus, I am sorry!!!” “Jesus. please, Jesus.” I thought, “NOOOO!! I can’t die like this, Jesus, if you are real, please give me another chance!!!” Now I had prayed this prayer before ONLY IN EMERGENCY and always wondered why God didn’t always hear me...and here was the difference--I REALLY MEANT IT AND SURRENDERED THIS TIME. As the sirens rang out from the ambulance, I prayed to Him that if He saved me I would tell the whole world about His salvation and who He is. Well, Jesus came to my rescue... THE MASK CAME OFF and that girl I used to be? --”FALLEN”--well, SHE DIED THAT DAY!
Truth was being revealed to me for the first time in my life! Shortly after I overdosed on cocaine, my dear friend that got me out of the prostitution game noticed that I was watching Joyce Meyer on TV... to be honest with you I was so drawn to her teachings... they spoke LIFE into my spirit. So that Christmas he bought me a few of her books. I started reading the Bible and her books and really getting filled with the truth... and the defining moment came when I heard Joyce say to the TV audience, “God loves you” and my heart completely melted!
WHAT? You mean, God loves ME????!!! After ALL THAT I HAVE DONE??? This was incredible! I never really understood that before, until I heard someone else tell me! Those very words struck a chord in me and stayed with me day and night. Then I did something back then I would have considered crazy, I ACTUALLY HAD THE NERVE TO BELIEVE IT! It is then that my walk with God became so much deeper than just the desperation of the overdose. I decided to take the leap of faith and completely dedicate my ENTIRE life to Him... JESUS. I gave it up, finally... all pain, all the disappointments, all the shame... ALL THE GUILT!!! Because trying to get better on my own WAS NOT WORKING. Guess what? I never turned back because...
I finally found the TRUTH, and it was not in some man, materialism, drug or fantasy. It is in a man that will never leave you nor forsake you. He is faithful, merciful, graceful, kind, but most of all he loves me for ME and NOT who I used to be!
He loves us unconditionally, and it doesn’t MATTER where we have been and how many wrong things we may have done. So you ask yourself, what kind of person could forgive what mess I’ve made???
His name is Jesus Christ. You see, I never really knew WHY I went through the pain I did until I received this revelation, that our God is so merciful, full of grace--that he really does love us, and He just wanted a relationship with me. He wanted me to ask Him for forgiveness, for if we do that, then we can FINALLY FORGIVE OURSELVES! I forgave myself from all the terrible things that I had done, and the yoke of bondage and guilt was “lifted” from my back.
Do you know what??? It is a CHOICE people!!! You will be FREE if you decide to not listen to the devil’s lies anymore and you choose to FORGIVE others, but mostly YOURSELF!!!
FREEDOM! No matter what we do wrong, HE continues to do what is right in our lives!
“IF WE ARE NOT FAITHFUL, HE WILL BE FATIHFUL. BECAUSE CHRIST CANNOT DENY WHO HE IS!!!” 2 TIMOTHY 2:13
I had focused my life on the bad choices; the pain, the guilt, the regret...and it eventually had the power to put me into a very deep “sleep”. Because I was so into my own demise and self pity, I lost all focus on what was really going on around me! I WAS LOST....LITERALLY!!! But when I finally WOKE UP from the slumber party that the world had put me in, I realized that I could actually use my pain to help others!!!
WOW. Are you kidding me? You mean I can take this mess that I have gone through and actually help someone else??? That’s POWERFUL!!! Your pain can be your reign! Jesus just wanted a relationship with me so He could show me a better life--but I ran from my pain, and started trying to find my “own” happiness. Don’t you see?
Most of us have all played this vicious game: RUN & CHASE. Chase after the things you think will make you “happy” and then run from them when you realize that these “things” or “lifestyle” is nothing but terrible pain. This will continue until you come to the very end of yourself. I KNOW I did it! When you have had enough... well, just HOW MUCH is enough, you ask???
I tell you the truth, the devil has NO limit--he will continue to deceive and manipulate your thinking until all you have left is NOTHING BUT THE TRASH OF EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE. This is his only mission, to DESTROY you.
“THE THIEF COMES ONLY IN ORDER TO STEAL, KILL AND DESTROY. BUT I CAME THAT YOU MAY HAVE AND ENJOY LIFE, AND HAVE IT IN ABUNDANCE TO THE FULL, TILL IT OVERFLOWS” JOHN 10:10
I didn’t know this verse at the time, I didn’t know the promises in God’s word that could save me from myself. So I remained broken hearted, hurt, defeated, depressed, tired, GUILTY... This is when God my Father could finally speak to me--because I stopped “chasing” happiness, I stopped “running” from the pain. Ever heard the song, “Running from the Devil”? How true is that? I ran from my home and my painful situation, only to run into more defeat. This is what we REALLY need to get: We need to run into the arms of God the Father and ask him for forgiveness... “BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.”
He wants us to face our fears... so we can walk through the door we have been avoiding. It’s not locked. We just need to turn the knob and walk in. When we do this, we face our pain and THEN God can move to heal us! If you are fearful, THEN DO IT AFRAID! There will be a huge reward behind it. I am not saying that your new walk with God is suppose to be real easy, many times I have fallen BUT I GOT RIGHT BACK UP! God will help you walk your new life of freedom... Can you tell me something--could it get any worse than it is now?
How desperate do we all have to get people? Until were sick with cancer, addicted, depressed, until we die? Hey, take it from me, I tried BOTH worlds without God, the crime world and the corporate world--and NOTHING brought me JOY but God. If I could do it with as much “junk” as I went through... SO CAN YOU!
He put it all together for me...because... when you actually KNOW the truth about yourself, and WHY you’ve done what you’ve done, it sets you completely free! Sin becomes your personal prison if you don’t know this truth. My prison was the lie Satan told me that I was unworthy to be loved. Unworthy because of the bad things that I had done---LIAR! Ha! “Fallen” is dead devil... My secrets are out, and no longer can YOU torment me because--Whom the Son sets free is free indeed!! I am free and out of the cocoon sin put me in! Jail time YOU ARE OVER!!! I am now truly a BUTTERFLY... LOVED BY GOD--and you are too!
God really loves you...yes YOU the person that is living in defeat! Don’t let the devil steal your joy any longer! Ask Jesus into your heart and watch how He can radically change your life!
Do you really want to be free??? Then what are you waiting for? Just pray this prayer!!!
Dear Jesus, I come to you today and I ask you to save me. Lord I am asking you for a second chance...so make me brand new. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, so I surrender everything to you! I ask that you forgive me for my short-comings and my all my failures. I believe that you died for my sins, and rose to life on the 3rd day. I believe that you are the living Son of God. Come into my heart and send your Holy Spirit, so you may be the Lord of my life. Change me from the inside out, so I may walk in the perfect destiny that you have for me. Thank you Jesus! Amen
“THEREFORE IF ANY PERSON IS IN CHRIST HE IS A NEW CREATION; THE OLD HAS PASSED AWAY. BEHOLD, THE FRESH AND NEW HAS COME”! 2 Corinthians 5:17
Finally, the MOST defining moment came in my life when Jesus came to me in a dream... He lifted His hands to me and held mine, and with inches away from my face we were looking into each others eyes... and can I tell you something... it was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen in my life! One eye was a beautiful sapphire blue and the other was a deep emerald green...with sparkles in them unlike anything I had ever seen before! As He looked at me with such tenderness and compassion, no physical words exchanged. The communication came directly from His very eyes!!! The eyes of the Savior told me He loved me, that He had always loved me...he understood my pain...but it was now OVER. That He has healed me... and that I am whole again... that I didn’t have to run anymore, that I was finally home. I felt so full of joy and inner peace for the first time in my life! As He turned, I followed Him around the corner and He was with two women... as I looked on to follow He turned towards me and gave me the biggest smile you could ever imagine. I knew by me choosing to NOT lose sight by following Him I had obeyed! I knew what I had to do... reveal my story to all the people I across the ENTIRE world and tell them of Jesus’ ever lasting grace. I have never been the same since...you want to know what??? My life now is full of purpose and real PASSION!
I am healed, whole and not ashamed of what I went through--in fact, it empowers me to help others! No bad thing I have done can EVER haunt me again. My real dad and I have reconciled our relationship! I love him and have always loved him--and he also loves me. I have forgiven my dad, for he only did what was done to him--and he finally saw this and apologized to me. The chain of fools is BROKEN! I have forgiven my pimp, and everyone else that I was offended with. I pray for my X-pimp everyday and know that God has a HUGE plan for him!
FORGIVENESS!!! Forgive and you will be set free!!!
Yeah! I will tell anyone that asks me, “Just why are you so happy?” And it’s not a secret. I’ve been saved by my Knight in shining armor--JESUS. But this, my friends, was God’s perfect plan...
“YOU INTENDED HARM TO ME, BUT GOD INTENDED IT ALL FOR GOOD. HE BROUGHT ME TO THIS POSITION SO I COULD SAVE THE LIVES OF MANY PEOPLE” Genesis 50:20
Now I can explain HOOKER FOR JESUS-- WHAT is a hooker for Jesus? Well, first of all, the meaning for “HOOKER” is a clipper style boat made for fishing in the 1600’s. Hooker also means a “fish hook”. I believe that God is tired of people thinking that this is such a “dirty” word...so I am taking the name back for HIM!
Also, I’m an X-HOOKER saved by the grace of God! The “X” just doesn’t mean that I have left that lifestyle... instead it stands for all the nameless prostitutes that are afraid to speak out--for my desire is that God uses me as their unheard voice. Someone needs to care! Someone needs to do something!
I WILL BE THAT PERSON TO ACT INSTEAD OF WATCH.
REAL FAITH IS ACTION!!!
Jesus showed me that if I could go down dark corridors and knock on doors to risk my life as a prostitute for the devil, I could CERTAINLY risk my life for Jesus instead! The greatest gift is when we lay down our lives for our friends...after all isn’t this what Jesus did for us???
You need a hook to catch fish......Jesus commands us to be fishers of men. “COME FOLLOW ME, AND I WILL MAKE YOU FISHERS OF MEN” (MATTHEW 5:19) I am ready to cast my line and hook--except this time I’m catching people for salvation with a Holy kind of bait--the gospel and testimony of Jesus Christ. “THE FRUIT OF THE UNCOMPROMISINGLY RIGHTEOUS IS A TREE OF LIFE, AND HE WHO IS WISE CAPTURES HUMAN LIVES FOR GOD, AS A FISHER OF MEN-HE GATHERS AND RECEIVES THEM FOR ETERNITY” Proverbs 11:30 (amp version)
My passion is to help PROSTITUTES, PIMPS, and STRIPPERS... ANYONE IN THE SEX TRADE to see that there is a REAL life waiting for them to finally live outside of the sex industry. If they should need assistance out of their lifestyle...I am here to help them with NO JUDGEMENT.
I have a ministry here in Vegas to help them by giving them love, peace and support during their transition. It’s called “HOOKERS FOR JESUS” (hookersforjesus.net)
I want to show them that God did not plan for them sell their body and soul but wants them to step into a HIGHER calling--their final destiny--a life of purpose! I am not ashamed to say that I was part of the statistics, because I know if I step out in truth, then maybe I will give other women real “HOPE” for their futures! To my Girls... We CAN overcome, we CAN survive, we CAN be productive in society, we CAN be loved finally--because...
“YOU HAVE OVERCOME, CONQUERED HIM (Satan) BY MEANS OF THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB AND BY THE UTTERANCE OF YOUR TESTIMONY, FOR YOU DID NOT LOVE AND CLING TO LIFE EVEN WHEN FACED WITH DEATH, HOLDING YOUR LIFE CHEAP TILL YOU HAD TO DIE FOR YOUR WITNESSING” Revelation 12:11 (amp version)
We can be pitiful or powerful in whatever we do--we make the choices. If we have the power to make a difference to change the world, then why don’t we do something now? Let’s make an impact in our lifetime--let’s ROCK! Because this is real TRUTH......LETS GO FISHING!!!
Copyright 2006-07. Annie Lobert. All Rights Reserved.
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